First Congregational Church
United Church of Christ

My step-children, Matt and Rachel, gave me a Christmas gift last year that has provided me with endless delight each day since. It's a desk calendar called "365 Stupidest Things Ever Said." Each morning as I tear off the previous day's page I am greeted with a statement so ridiculous I can't help but giggle.

To be fair, many of these sayings appear to be the kind of off the cuff declarations most of us make from time to time when we put our mouths in motion before we put our brains in gear. Others, however, are just downright dumb and the people making them should have known better.

Here are a few of my favorites:
"A stray bullet killed one bystander slightly." (Quote from a Missouri newspaper)
"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious." (NCSU basketball player Charles Shackleford)
"That's not a lie. It's a terminological inexactitude." (Alexander Haig)
Reporter: "You and your teammate really work well together." Basketball Player: "Yes, it's almost like we have ESPN." (Magic Johnson)
"They misunderestimated me." (President George W. Bush)
"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked." (Comment card from hiker to U.S. Forest Service)

I started thinking: Could I put together a calendar containing some of the dumbest things I've heard people say about faith and church? Unfortunately, I think I could. They may not be terribly funny, but they are just as misguided as anything on my current calendar.

Here are a few I might include:
"I'm a Christian, but I don't go to church." (I wonder if the same logic would apply in other areas of life; i.e., "I love my spouse, but we never do anything together;" "I'm a parent, but I never spend time with my children;" "I'm employed, but I never go to work.")

"We aren't going to force religion down our children's throats. We'll let them decide when they get older." (Evidently, faith is a lot like the measles-get close enough to it and you'll catch it.)

"We're all worshipping the same God." (Really? I could have sworn some are worshipping the Money God, others the Pleasure God, others the Power God, still others the… Well, you get the idea.)

"I don't need to study the Bible to be a good Christian." (I tried this approach in school, and I flunked the test each time.)
I have lots of others, but I would love to hear some of the items you might include on your calendar. We might dissolve in laughter as we share them. Or, more likely, we might shed a tear over them.
Perhaps we might even say a prayer over them-especially if we've ever spoken such words ourselves.