Paris Originals
12/01/2010
 Dear Santa, It has been many years since I have written to you, but you have never been far from my thoughts. In fact, as my beard becomes grayer, and my pants size approaches the GNP of a small country, I seem to resemble you in appearance more and more. I have a number of items on my Christmas wish list which, I am convinced, only you will be able to produce for me. So here goes. I would be grateful if you would give me… 1) A book a banjo jokes. The jokes I hear at gigs are becoming a little stale, and in a spirit of Christian charity, I want to help the banjo’s detractors find new ways to have fun at my expense. 2) A Southern language CD course for my dear friend, Lois. I have tried my best to teach her the correct pronunciation of words like THANKS-giving, UM-brella, IN-surance, and PO-lice, but she’s just not bright enough to catch on, bless her heart. I can’t bear the thought of her going to heaven some day and being unable to communicate with the residents of glory. Does Rosetta Stone have such a course? 3) A box of really nice note cards, particularly cards that say “I’m sorry” in pretty lettering on the front. I want to send one to all my old teachers who tried so diligently to teach me mathematics in | high school and college. After the year of financial challenges we’ve had at First Congregational Church, and my futile attempts at understanding the numbers, I want to tell Mrs. Mills, Mr. Hobbs, Mrs. Donnelly, Mr. Chan, and a host of others how penitentially sorry I am for their valiant efforts which were wasted on me. 4) An exorcist for my computer. ‘Nuff sed. 5) The ability to laugh at ourselves. As a society we laugh at each other quite well, especially when we disagree with each other. Can you give us the capacity to laugh at ourselves too? Maybe then we will be a bit more tolerant with one another in 2011. 6) More ways to say “I love you” to my family. I am blessed with the best wife in the world, four wonderful children, and the most delightful grandchild ever born. I’ve simply got to find ways to express my love for them that at least approximate the way I feel. 7) Better words than “thank you” to say to First Congregational Church for the year we have had together. After all their hard work and continued growth toward discipleship in 2010, the words “thank you” just don’t seem like enough. Can you come up with something better? If items one through five are too difficult to procure, that’s OK. Items six and seven are the only gifts I really want this year anyway. Sincerely, Paris Donehoo |
The United Church of Christ.