Another year has come and gone, and I think I’ve been a pretty good boy since last we corresponded. Aside from crowing too much about how wonderful my grandchildren are, and making uncharitable statements about the Left Behind books, I think my behavior has been reasonably acceptable. I know I swatted Lois several times with my palm frond on Palm Sunday, but you and I both know she deserved it.
Anyway, here is my Christmas list for this year…
1) A bona fide, 1960s-style, psychedelic headband, preferably with the slogan “Never trust anyone over 30” printed on the front. I was mesmerized by Jon Warfel’s rendition of John Lennon’s “Revolution” at our 175th banquet, but he needs a more authentic headband. I want to give it to him and suggest he wear it in the choir loft on Sundays. I think he would look adorable.
2) After working with Lois at the 175th banquet, I want to give her a copy of Comedic Timing for Dummies. Our material was great, but Lois’ delivery left a lot to be desired. She needs help, bless her heart.
3) Could the portraits of James and Laura Gifford be re-touched? Their scowling faces have been glowering at me from the back of the sanctuary most of the
year, and they always make me think I’ve just spoken a dirty word from the pulpit. Perhaps the solution is just to take them back to the church library.